Buscando la Luz

Last night,

He gave me so many signs that His presence was there. It was unreal. It was the first time that something miraculous appeared to me filled with so many symbols. I basked in His love last night. He answered through a resounding vibration in my body. I screamed, I cried, but I knew I was not alone.

The negative energy that had consumed me previously was identified and although I made the mistake of following my natural fleshly sins almost completely that night, He did not give up. I urged to fulfill insecurities through human affection, once again. I made the mistake of forgetting that inevitably, His love is the only TRUE satisfaction.

The sign came in the form of a nightmare. I closed my eyes and I was enslaved to my innermost emotions. The scream was a crescendo in my body and I had lost control… I could not open my eyes, I could not open my mouth and I was trapped.  When I finally opened my eyes, I took down my dream catcher.

I looked at him and asked him to pray with me but he did not wake up. I attached an arrogant label and felt sorry that he did not know the power of JC. I decided to give up on him but then thought about how foolish that was. Who was I to do this? “Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue” (Proverb 11:12). Father, please forgive me. 

The room smelled of  sweat, ”black and mild”, Burberry Brit and a terrible conviction to reminisce about our past.  Guilt haunted me, but you weren’t there to save me. Its ok, you couldn’t.

I got off my bed and longed for an explanation, for another sign that assured me that I’d be ok. I opened up the bible and quickly gravitated toward Psalm 91:5-16.

⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
   nor the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
   nor the plague that destroys at midday.
⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
   ten thousand at your right hand,
   but it will not come near you.
⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
   and see the punishment of the wicked.

 ⁹ If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”
   and you make the Most High your dwelling,
¹⁰ no harm will overtake you, 
   no disaster will come near your tent.
¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
   to guard you in all your ways;
¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
   so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
¹³ You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
   you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

 ¹⁴ “Because he^[b] loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
   I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵ He will call on me, and I will answer him;
   I will be with him in trouble,
   I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him
   and show him my salvation.”

I felt so protected. He told me that I had to ask for forgiveness in order to let go of my past. He told me that being with him was not right and that it never was. He taught me that what I felt was not love, that I was blind. Most importantly He told me that He was there for me.

The sudden gust of wind that crawled on my skin, and tippy-toed on my arm hairs violently, reassured that He is the only one who can save me. I made the right decision to move to the other bed.

      God is so real.

Temporary Bliss

I was on a roller coaster that had no seats. It was like a slide and went really slow. I was a little scared to get to the bottom but the more I slid down, the more I felt secure.

 I took every opportunity to admire the construction of the “roller coaster”. It was an enormous waterfall and nature was showing off. Nature was showing off this refreshing creation that looked more like a little piece of paradise than anything else.

Then at the end, you were there with the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in my life. Your eyes pierced with fire, and I saw the sun shine through your teeth.

Our smiles met, our eyes met and it was such a fulfilling moment. I hugged you and this time you were actually awaiting the hug instead of just standing there. You let your arms embrace me completely.

But then you disappeared and I woke up.